Here’s the format: Three questions, three answers, move on. When it’s over, you decide which book of short stories you’re going to date. Your time starts now …
Speed date 1: An Elegant Young Man
What world are you from?
I’m the kind of guy who walks around Liverpool in the south-western suburbs of Sydney with renowned poet Walt Whitman and asks him what he thinks of Aussie hip-hop. He asks me where the second-hand bookstores are in this suburb (but der, Mr Whitman, there are none). I heckle at the Sydney Writers’ Festival and hang out with my Lebo mate Hadie and his girlfriend Niki in Chipping Norton. She once said, ‘Those girls that get raped by footy players are just hypocrite skanks.’
What do you consider your best attributes?
I’m smart and get under the skin of the people and issues from where I (‘Luke Carman’ the character) live. I meld poetry with suburban street talk in these eight interlinking stories; so my style is unique. I’ve been compared to Roberto Bolano (incisive and blunt?) and capture the kinds of dislocation, loneliness and boredom that western Sydney can evince. This is my debut, so I’m fresh. Google me and you’ll see I’ve done very well in a number of literary awards.
What’s your best chat up line?
A taxi driver once said to me: ‘Y’know what my favourite part of Sydney is?’ He pointed to some round street lamps on Parramatta Road near Lewisham and said, ‘See that last light there, that’s the lonely one. It’s my favourite.’ And he sure meant it. I decided I’d let him keep the change but there wasn’t any change. Instead I Just said ‘thank you’ and went back to my bed and my Dylan and drank.’
Speed date 2: Captives
What world are you from?
From the world of Olive Templeton, Miss Fourth of July 1918 and Hot Dog Queen of St Louis … to a world where a branch clips a power line and ‘eight people on a passing tram saw a skeleton, reaching’. I also muck about in some other sad, bad, kooky and loopy universes too.
What do you consider your best attributes?
I’m flashy. But don’t let that put you off. What I mean is I’m filled with 38 little vignettes they call flash fiction. Why? Erm, they’re short. I’m also pocket-sized and have a very striking visage. My stories are quirky and perfect for a short commute; little nuggets from left field to dwell on while you strap hang. Captives is a good name isn’t it? Want to date me and see if I suit?
What’s your best chat up line?
My subtitle reads: ‘Bad things happen. Or they might. At any moment.’— so that’s definitely one line that’s meant to seduce. Or, how about this sentence from my story ‘Foreign Bodies’? — ‘She bundled the shirt, fold by fold, into her mouth and down her throat, her jaw working like that of an armless animal — a shark, or a kookaburra to gulp it down.’
Speed date 3: Writing to the Edge
What world are you from?
Perth, Sydenham, Kilcoole, Dun Laoghaire Maillin, Kafka’s Room and the left bank of the Seine and the surreal, sublime and satirical minds of some very fine Australian writers like Mark Smith, jenni nixon, Patrick Lenton, Ron Pretty and Julie Chevalier. Upfront, I need to tell you that the person running this speed-dating gig has a piece of me. Hers is a weird story and it’s called ‘Pelts’. She loves so many other bits of my character too … and really wants to get the word out. So, want to be my date?
What do you consider your best attributes?
It’s summery, so I’m looking pretty damn good in my shorts. Every one of my 38 stories is under 800 words (so they’re truly fabulous if you can’t stomach hefty tomes like Bring Up the Bodies or The Luminaries). The stories also plant a ‘mental splinter’ (as their editors say) and run the gauntlet of funny, elegant, new, tart and raw. The story titles suggest what a minx I am. ‘Jesus uses his camera phone’, ‘Percy Grainger’s Migraine’, ‘Her Dark Ground’, ‘Rue Lagrange, October’ and ‘Moth Words’ are a few of my faves. I’m also told I have a chameleon’s voice (meaning you can find some of my stories as audio files online).
What’s your best chat up line?
How about Philip Hammial’s story ‘Slave?—‘Kept naked in her dungeon, fed scraps, whipped daily. Been here for seven years. With any luck will be here for seven more.’ Or this line from Will Rogers that introduces the collection: ‘Why not go out on a limb. That’s where the fruit is.’
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